Meme: Crack Crossover Theater (Part I)

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By way of jedibuttercup: This is a clearly a cousin to the "15 characters" meme, the difference being that the questions have been pre-written (and not by me; they evidently travel with the meme). That being the case, I've run my list of characters through a randomizer before attempting to write the answers.

1. Balthazar Blake - Sorcerer's Apprentice
2. Nick Fury - MCU
3. Xander Harris - BtVS
4. Pepper Potts - MCU
5. Daniel Jackson - SG-1
6. Martha Rodgers - Castle
7. David Xanatos - Gargoyles
8. Abby Sciuto - NCIS
9. Sarah Jane Smith - Doctor Who
10. Henrietta "Hetty" Lange - NCIS:LA

Questions & Answers:

1. Divide the list up by even and odd. Which group of five would make a better Five Man Band (like a Power Rangers team)? Who would you slot in each position: Leader, Lancer (second-in-command), Big Guy, Smart Guy, The Chick? If you think the team would be improved by swapping one character between the even and odd groups, which ones would you switch?

Team Odd is: Balthazar Blake, Xander Harris, Daniel Jackson, David Xanatos, and Sarah Jane Smith. Which is...interesting. Let's take the easiest first: Daniel Jackson is the Smart Guy. The Chick is probably Sarah Jane, although a case could probably be made for Xander depending on where you place this in Buffyverse continuity. Then it gets difficult, because (a) there is no obvious Big Guy, and (b) Balthazar and Xanatos are both going to claim Leadership, and neither is likely to back down. The short-term solution is Balthazar as Leader, Xander as Lancer, and Xanatos as Big Guy (which he can manage by way of one of his battle suits).

Team Even is: Nick Fury, Pepper Potts, Martha Rodgers, Abby Sciuto, and Hetty Lange. Which is...even more interesting, in a totally different way. Again, Smart Guy is easiest; that's clearly Abby. Martha slots in as The Chick, although here it's more The Grande Dame. And then -- there are a couple of ways one could go. If Fury is the Big Guy (the obvious pick in this crowd), then Hetty is the Leader and Pepper the Lancer. But you could just as easily slot Fury in his traditional role as Leader and make Hetty the Big Guy (which would be both hilarious and totally justified by canon; professionally speaking, she is probably at least as lethal as Fury is).

For practical purposes, though, one really has to swap Xanatos and Fury to resolve Team Odd's leadership issues. That would Hetty Leader of the Evens to Xanatos' Big Guy, because Xanatos would not be able to railroad Hetty, and Fury the Big Guy for the Odds. Much less friction all around (and it would be highly amusing to watch Xanatos try and fail to outwit any of the women on his new team).

2. Gender-swap 5 (Daniel Jackson), 8 (Abby Sciuto) and 10 (Hetty Lange). Which character would have the most change in their story arc? Which the least? Would any of these characters have to have a complete personality change to be believable as the opposite sex?

Hetty-as-Henry most likely has the least change in overall arc, save that "Henry" might be slightly less of a living legend in intelligence circles simply because that level of omni-competence wouldn't be seen as quite so extraordinary in a male operative. Abby-as-Albert also probably retains most of the character's essential history, although it would be interesting to consider where on the Goth spectrum "Albert" would manifest, and whether "Albert's" career path as Goth!geek would have been fast-tracked as much as Abby's likely was (one suspects that Abby went through academia and government at just the right time to benefit considerably from HR departments looking for qualified women).

Daniel-as-Danielle is another story. "Her" initial background as an academic would likely be unchanged, but the first few seasons of SG-1 would require a lot of rearranging to account for a version of continuity in which "Danielle" is a mother and wife instead of a husband and father -- several major plotlines would need to be either dropped entirely or heavily revamped (in part depending on whether one wanted to gender-swap a lot of the other relevant characters or not).

3. Compare the matchups of 5 (Daniel Jackson) & 8 (Abby Sciuto) and 2 (Nick Fury) & 9 (Sarah Jane Smith). (Ignore canon sexual preferences for the moment.) Which couple would be more compatible? Which couple would be more plausible to people from either principal's home culture?

Daniel and Abby might actually be pretty good for one another; they're both science geeks, if in different disciplines, and they're both very used to coping with a lot of external wackiness and to looking past appearances. Fury and Sarah Jane? Not so much, I think. There'd be major trust issues on Sarah Jane's end if she were even interested, and whatever Fury might be looking for in a partner, I suspect Sarah Jane isn't it.

4. 7 (David Xanatos) becomes 5's (Daniel Jackson's) boss for a week in some plausible fashion. How's their working relationship?

If it's just for a week, very likely they get along pretty well. Xanatos has undoubtedly pulled Daniel in to consult on some exotic archaeological discovery which is either magical or alien in origin. And for all that he's probably got some nefarious use in mind for whatever it is, Xanatos (a) values the expertise of the people he hires, and (b) doesn't mind being told the truth even when it isn't what he wants to hear. Also, he can probably manage to go for a week without doing something that will clue Daniel in to his Diabolical Plan. Now if the gig stretches out for awhile, the odds get much higher that Daniel will figure out what Xanatos is up to, and at that point there might be fireworks if and when Daniel decides he can't let Xanatos get his hands on whatever the artifact is.

5. 1 (Balthazar Blake) finds him/her/itself inserted into 6's (Martha Rodgers') continuity. As far as anyone other than 1 or 6 is concerned, they've always been there. What role would 1 be presumed to have had in 6's story, and could they fit in without going wonky?

This one is utterly easy; Balthazar would be an old flame of Martha's who turns out to have been Castle's father, notwithstanding the whole "Jackson Hunt" nonsense. This would eventually lead to the 12th Precinct's landing all the homicides in New York with magical elements -- much as happens in this story -- but that's not really that wonky for the Castle universe, though it would probably drive Esposito nuts.

6. 3 (Xander Harris) and 7 (David Xanatos) get three wishes. The catch is that they have to agree on all three wishes before they get the benefits of any of them. What three wishes would they make?

Wow; talk about the two people on this list most likely to get themselves in deep trouble with wishes. That said, this particular catch might just work to their mutual advantage.

Xanatos wants immortality; that's straight from canon. Xander? I think Xander probably wants to live happily ever after with Anya (can you tell that my two least favorite episodes in all Buffyverse canon are that wedding episode and the one where Anya dies?).

So Xander wishes Anya back to life, Xanatos wishes for immortality...and the third wish is that their other wishes will turn out happily for everyone involved, with no magical gotchas of the sort that usually screw people over where wishes are concerned.

7. 6 (Martha Rodgers) and 3 (Xander Harris) are brainwashed by a one-time artifact that works even on people immune to mind control to attack and kill 1 (Balthazar Blake). They keep their normal personality, skills and competence level, except any Code vs. Killing has been turned off. Can 1 survive? How?

Heh. Clearly Xander still hasn't learned not to play with mysterious artifacts. OTOH, Balthazar is in no danger here. Neither Martha nor Xander is remotely a match for him either in direct combat or sneakiness, and Balthazar has them both utterly outclassed magically. (If the randomizer had thrown, say, Hetty and Nick Fury against him, that might be another story....)

8. 1 (Balthazar Blake), 6 (Martha Rodgers), 7 (David Xanatos) and 9 (Sarah Jane Smith) must help an orphanage full of small and depressed children have a merry Christmas. Who does what, knowing that at the very least the kids will be expecting a visit from Santa?

Once again the randomizer is my friend. Xanatos bankrolls a lavish party and loot-bedecked tree out of petty cash -- and can very likely throw enough resources at the situation to greatly improve overall conditions at the orphanage. Martha and Sarah Jane will do the hands-on event planning and mothering, because both of them are good at that (though Sarah Jane will be reluctant to admit to the latter). Balthazar will clearly wear the Santa suit, though likely with a good deal of eye-rolling at his fellow planners. And Balthazar and Xanatos between them can, in fact, very likely find homes for a good many of the orphans -- although the others will be keeping a close eye on Xanatos' side of that process to ensure no long-term sneakiness, and I wouldn't put it past Sarah Jane to adopt yet another stray in the course of the affair.

9. Your team is 7 (David Xanatos), 4 (Pepper Potts) & 9 (Sarah Jane Smith). The mission consists of a social challenge, a mental challenge and a physical challenge. Which team member do you assign to each challenge?

This is trickier than it looks. Xanatos, as the definitional smartest person in the room, is the totally obvious pick for the mental challenge. But in this trio, it might very well be necessary to slot him in for the physical challenge -- not so much because he's the only male as because, per their various canons, he's almost certainly the best-trained athlete of the three. Pepper is a shoo-in for the social challenge, given her years of experience managing Tony and doing PR damage control for Stark Industries. That gives Sarah Jane the mental challenge, which should actually work out well -- her years with the Doctor have combined to give her great strength of will and a considerable education in a wide range of subjects.

10. 3 (Xander Harris) and 10 (Hetty Lange) are challenged to circumnavigate the Earth in eighty days or less, using only forms of transportation invented before 1900. Can they do it, or will they be fatally distracted by sidequests or their own personality conflicts?

Not only do they succeed, they probably set a new world record. Hetty is possibly the ideal candidate for this sort of challenge, being both extremely task-oriented and extraordinarily resourceful, and she'd have little trouble reining in any tendency on Xander's part to be unduly distracted by the shiny and interesting (which he would be, absent Hetty's brilliant mentoring).

Comments

[jedibuttercup]

> This one is utterly easy; Balthazar would be an old flame of Martha's who turns out to have been Castle's father, notwithstanding the whole "Jackson Hunt" nonsense. This would eventually lead to the 12th Precinct's landing all the homicides in New York with magical elements -- much as happens in this story -- but that's not really that wonky for the Castle universe, though it would probably drive Esposito nuts.

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

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[thwacks self on forehead]

And it would help if I'd actually remembered to put in the link after copying the text into the post editor. (Fixed now.)