graycardinal | Meme: 15 Characters, Resurrected from Exile Edition

All right, time to finally deal with the (short but deeply amusing) collection of scenarios I left hanging some while back in the latest round of the "15 characters" meme.

First, here's the list of those characters chosen in the present round. Note that #5 was not selected at all (so we'll save him for next time), and that #11 only appears indirectly.

1. Barnabas Collins (Dark Shadows)
2. Barbara Gordon aka Batgirl aka Oracle (DC Universe)
3. Laura Holt (Remington Steele)
4. Tom Swift Jr. (Tom Swift series)
5.
6. Demona aka Dominique Destine (Gargoyles)
7. Loki (The Avengers -- Marvel movieverse)
8. Alexis Castle (Castle)
9. Tony DiNozzo (NCIS)
10. Vala Mal Doran (Stargate SG-1)
11. The Master (Doctor Who)
12. Wesley Wyndham-Price (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
13. Sarah Jane Smith (Doctor Who)
14. Jessica Fletcher (Murder, She Wrote)
15. Tony Stark (The Avengers -- Marvel movieverse)

astrogirl2 asked:

Demona and Alexis Castle are set up on a blind date. What do they do on the date, and do they hit it off?

I should have predicted this; the blind-date question matches the one teenager on the list with the thousand-plus-year-old (and none too emotionally stable) gargoyle. OTOH, at least they're both Manhattanites....

Pretty much the only way this can possibly go down is that one of Alexis' ongoing round of pre-college internships is set up with Nightstone Unlimited, which Demona owns under her human persona as Dominique Destine. Thus "Dominique" takes Alexis out for coffee to discuss her interests and what she might do for/with Nightstone. On one hand, Demona's normal attitude toward humans is "vermin", and the whole internship thing is mostly a recruiting vehicle for contract minions/redshirts -- but Alexis is much smarter than her usual candidates, and she knows enough about history and art to be (a) more interesting than most of those, and (b) potentially useful given her dad's connections (which "Dominique" carefully doesn't mention, of course). And while Demona wouldn't ever admit (or probably even recognize) it, part of her sees a chance to build a maternal connection with Alexis that she can't ever have with Angelique, her biological daughter.

For Alexis' part, she's smart enough to realize that there's something deeply peculiar about both Nightstone and "Dominique". But Dominque is also fascinating enough -- and Alexis has enough of her dad's curiosity -- that she's intrigued. So she accepts Dominique's internship offer...and then goes off to talk with Kate Beckett. Who talks with Detective Elisa Maza. And then things start to get really interesting, though not at all in a romantic way.

Barnabas Collins and Laura Holt are told that they are long-lost relatives. How do they react to this news? Is there any way it's even possible?

It's entirely reasonable that there was a Collins descendant somewhere in Laura's background (probably on her father's mother's side of the family). Given that we're dealing with movieverse Dark Shadows continuity, this undoubtedly comes up when the lawyers handling the Collinsport properties go hunting for heirs in the late 1980s, and Laura ends up coming back over from Ireland to deal with her family's ruined estate (and accidentally digs Barnabas up again in the process).

Laura is, of course, gobsmacked by meeting her vampire ancestor. Barnabas is hopeful; as Collins heirs go, Laura is orders of magnitude more emotionally stable than any of the last batch. Remington Steele -- who has, of course, come along because he's had lots of experience with ruined estates by now, not to mention being married to Laura -- is fascinated, even though it proves more than usually challenging to come up with movie references to describe the inevitable complications that ensue.

Wesley Wyndham-Price throws a birthday party, and invites Barbara Gordon, Tom Swift Jr., Loki, Tony DiNozzo, and Jessica Fletcher. What kind of gifts do they bring? Does anybody get really drunk and embarrass themselves? Are any of the other characters miffed that they weren't invited?

The most disturbing thing about this question is not the guest list -- which, for Wesley, is actually not very weird at all -- but the fact that he's throwing a birthday party for himself. (Lorne probably talked him into it.)

Barbara brings a set of grappling-hook guns (Wesley already being hooked into Oracle's secret comm network). Tom brings one of his latest experimental gadgets, this one designed to detect interdimensional portal activity. Loki brings the phone number of what he claims is a willing Valkyrie, and expertly dodges all Wesley's questions about how he got it, why the Valkyrie might be interested in dating a mortal, and why he couldn't have brought the actual Valkyrie if the Valkyrie was so interested in the first place. Tony, being Tony, brings a complete set of Alfred Hitchcock movies on DVD -- and Abby Sciuto, who wouldn't stop asking fascinated questions when Tony accidentally mentioned the party and let one or two details about Wesley slip. I have no idea what Jessica brings, except that it's likely to be the most useful gift of the lot (not excluding the grappling guns).

Most of the drinking involves Loki and Tony, both of whom do indeed get really drunk but -- amazingly -- keep it fairly civil (probably because Jessica's polite but stern glare is enough to keep both of them from doing anything really stupid). This results in Abby and Barbara having time for a long conversation off in the corner which promises to have significant long-term implications for Abby's future.

Of the non-invitees, Barnabas Collins is mildly miffed, but understands, Tony Stark wouldn't have had time anyway, and the Master resolves to have Wesley miniaturized and dipped in plastic next time they meet.

twilight2000 asked:

If Laura Holt and Sarah Jane Smith were having a dinner party, who would be there and why?

I'm thinking this would happen some time after Laura and Remington had moved to Ireland, and that it would likely be a get-together after some episode involving UNIT and the fourth Doctor had occurred in the vicinity of Remington's family estate. Thus you'd have the Brigadier and his staff, and the Doctor, and a handful of the more alert and helpful villagers who'd helped defend the castle against the aliens-of-the-month. But it would be very informal -- as much picnic as anything else -- with everyone very carefully not talking shop (and Remington keeping Laura on as tight a leash as possible, because he can tell that Laura would become a Companion in a New York minute if given half a chance).

What secret past do Alexis Castle and Jessica Fletcher share?

[rolls eyes] Unerring, that's what it is; you would ask a Jessica-and-Alexis question. Again. Without even knowing it.

Well. That they're great-aunt and grandniece (more or less) is hardly a secret. And it's not likely a question of being related to anyone else unusual or interesting, at least not for the purposes of the present meme.

Ah, that's it. What both of them will go to great lengths not to admit is that they were both, as infants or toddlers, drafted into appearing in commercials. Meredith actually got Alexis a gig in a diaper ad as a baby, and Jessica's McGill cousins roped her into an English radio ad for oatmeal when she was about three years old.

If Barnabas Collins and Vala Mal Doran were going out for the day, what would it look like?

Terrifying, that's what -- but not in a bloody corpses-in-the-streets kind of way, not at all. No, what it would be (given that this is movieverse Barnabas) is the shopping trip to end all shopping trips, probably ranging back and forth across all the most expensive parts of Manhattan Island. Barnabas' credit cards would never be the same afterwards (at least not till he unearthed another enormous cache of family treasures), the inventories of any number of exclusive boutiques and art galleries would be sadly depleted, and the kitchens of some of New York's finest dining establishments would be likewise decimated. And it would take a small fleet of semis to haul everything back to Collinsport and Colorado, respectively.

vampry asked:

If Laura Holt, Alexis Castle, and Tony Stark walk into a bar, who makes the joke and why?

This one almost stumped me, but it's actually obvious on a second glance -- Rick Castle makes the joke, because the bar is almost certainly the Old Haunt, and the group is meeting Castle there. I have no idea what the joke is, but there would definitely be a joke, and Rick would be making it -- very possibly in a way that emphasizes to Tony that Alexis is totally and completely off limits. Not that Tony would actually even think about going there given the robbing-the-cradle thing, but just because Tony is Tony and Rick is Rick. (Laura is there because there has obviously been a case of some kind in Manhattan that's called for Remington Steele's attention, and where Steele goes so goes Laura.)